DeePost: Written but never mailed

I want to share a letter I wrote 3 years back... mailed it to a friend to read... but never mailed it to the person i wrote it for... strange but true... when this letter was mailed back to me a couple of days ago... i read it an smiled :) damn i really write well ;) I am looking back at that moment... and all the love that i felt for this person... but i don't think that i ever really shared these thoughts at all. They were simply with me... I don't think I've ever let him know how I truly felt about him. The only thing i know for sure... well... we are still friends... and maybe if he reads this... he will know... and now that I have found a way to share it... well I have eliminatedone more hallucination :)

Hey!

I have been thinking about this for a while now.......... I have been wondering whether or not I am on the right track......... I have asked myself a million questions......... spent long hours just seeking answers for each of those questions.

You are the mirror of my soul, you have urged me to see me and believe in me. Someone who at all times brings out the very best in me. Someone who made me believe in love at first sight.......... someone who made me belive that all dreams can be realised that every dark cloud has a silver lining............ Someone in whose eyes I could see all the love and the positive energy that I needed to get me through life. Some one who loved me enough to correct what is wrong in me......... someone who communicated every thought on his mind........ someone with whom I could relate to so easily....... more so you were someone who is practical and real. Someone with whom growing old would be an experience. ( Believe me......... I am so nervous right now...... I do not know what to write)

I know that I am not the most perfect person that God created.......... there are a lot of things I need to improve on............ starting with some of my habits actually quite a lot of them........... : )

I know that the future is not all clear cut.......... there will be moments when we will look back and wish we had taken a decision differently. When people from our past will knock on the door of our hearts and beckon us back. When there will be more attractive packages so beautifully wrapped and presented that it will be easy for us to wonder WHAT we saw in each other.

I know that as we grow older our needs will change....... we will become more reserved in our thoughts and less affectionate in our actions.......... we may even want to spend a lot of moments alone contemplating....... the chilrens future

I know that down the line we will have days when we are too busy with our own thoughts to even realise that we need to be there for each other.........

I want to grow old loving you........ being there by your side.......... knowing that you are there......... growing old with me. I want you to be the father of my chilren........ I want to make each of the dreams that we have ever dreamt since the day we met come true........... I want to love you and pamper you as long as I live.

All I know is that from the day that I met you.......... I fell in love with you, something inside me had made up it's mind that you were all that it wanted that you were all that it needed and it did keep prompting me from time to time. Whenever I thought of another man............ it would ask me questions like WOULD HE DO IT THIS WAY? WHAT WOULD HE DO IN A SIMILAR SITUATION?

Whenever I thought that you were meant for her not me.......... and I prayed that my heart would be able to stop loving you............... I just fell more in love with you.

When you called me up to tell me about the woman you have fallen in love with.......... my heart broke and i thought I had lost you forever......... and i prayed to God and said........... If she loves him more than I .......... If she makes him happier than I................ I will not even bring up the topic of us........... I cried and hurt but I let go............ believe me......... it was so hard............ coz something deep within just kept saying don't give up.......... But I said to myself..............

He loves her not me........... he wants her not me............ he just does not love me or want me at all. He has become less communicative......... less in touch and absolutely NOT in love with me. Each day I would pray to love you less but still be there for you.

When I thought of you I realised that you were all I had ever dreamed of in a man........... you were the perfect 10 man in my life and I felt blest that you were a part of my life at all. I said to myself.........even if he spends all of his life with someone else loving her and being with her ........... i should not be greedy....... I know that he has spent sometime loving me ( I have been trying to complete this mail for the last 4 hours.......)

But when we met........... I realised that the love was still there............ that God gave us a day to go down memory lane........... and believe me.......... that day you asked me atleast a couple of times where I was lost and what I was thinking.......... you were trying to remind me of moments that we spent in each of those places..... and believe me............. all my heart was telling me.......... was " See.......... each of those moments are fresh in his memory too........ ". I knew every moment and remember every second of the time I have spent with you.......... The way I feel when I am with you............. is something that keeps me positive till I meet you again.

I do not know what you have on your mind or in your heart......... I do not know what you have planned for your future.......... I hope you are not laughing or choking................... it is very difficult to know that there is a chance for rejection...........

But I know that I would be honoured if you would grow old with me.................... holding my hand in yours as we walk to the sunset......... coz I feel like I was born to be with you.............. I hope that you feel the same way too.................................Dee

PS Forgive the clutter.............. just that there is soooooooooooooo much I want to ell you............ but am running out of time today................ Love you

DeeRelease

i wish i could've composed my profile as this.... intended to be a testimonial.... well but could well be the very identification of the personna of Dee.... well incase you have lost who Dee is... well dats ME :)

orkut has brought some really priceless people into my life and one of them wrote this... all i know... is that it makes me feel precious and had to get a prized place on my blogs :) i do not know what the motivation or the reason why he sat up till 0600hrs to write this... but well... i sure think its a masterpiece :)

if i were to ever make a grand entry in Press... trust me when i tell you, this just maybe the way the Press Release will read... and yes... Rahil will be my PR manager... :)

"Her 'LIFE', a complete screenplay and She, its 'DIRECTOR'.... Every decision she takes.. unfolds something, something so 'Special'. And this story, dear viewers, aint neva goin off 'SCREENS'.

She invests time.... on herself, the quality of which turns superior just by the mere thought of 'D.Rao' forming its contents.

A 'Winner' all the way... she's tried to reduce the pace (considerate her), but cant help it anymore, as she's now, habituated to the fact that, 'IT', now, comes to 'HER' naturally n this old habbit of her's aint dying at all.

The most simplified 'Crowd Puller' that ever set foot. Attracts 18 to a dozen n then finds herself loving every moment of 'Centre Stage'. The 'Attraction' - She's in total 'LOVE' with, the 'CROWD' - (created thereby), She loathes.

*** 'Miracles' happen, they CANNOT be created..... So, Dont stop, cause 'YOU', my DEAR, have witnessed one, right NOW. A miracle in 'HER'. ***"

DeeMoral of the story

unless we eliminate the rest how can we illuminate deeOne


in the midst of tears that seemed to simply roll down without asking any questions, there was a ray of light in the words that echoed through...."unless we eliminate the rest how can we illuminate deeOne"

in that one sentence the perspective changed, there is someone who is looking out for me, loving me, watching out for me. There is a gentleness in the way he communicates and tells me my tears are but a way to clear my eyes of the glare that will accompany the illumination of deeOne. he told me gently, in almost a whisper, "my little one, you are way too precious to me. your heart is pure and easily hurt. love is pure and precious and easily hurts. deeOne i have chosen for you has a heart & mind as pure as yours"

the tears of saddness turned to tears of joy, every heartache is a reason to rejoice, every elimination simply means, one hallucination less to deal with and a notch closer to deeOne. the time and the heartaches will truly depend on the number of people i've built my hallucinations around :)

DeeMoral: Faith is... keeping your focus on the voice of your soul, for your soul is your mirror, like no other :)

Stamps….. Moments that define your destiny

It takes a definitive moment to change every belief that we have held true, from the day we breathed our first and all the intermediate breaths we took, in awe & amazement of life.

With every breath, our soul evolved, learnt a new way to deal with the facts we were being fed… a new path to being the people we were meant to be and knowing all the things… in retrospect, did serve us well at the time.

There are moments when all that we are and may ever wish to be comes together… a memory. A memory, based on the emption that it evokes, could make you smile or frown. But every memory is part of your evolution… a part of who you really are … esp at those times when there is no one around.

The soul, the silent observer, knows the path that the soul takes and knows where our lives are headed… it waits for a moment to manifest its presence in our lives…