Lifeward Bound: Breakthrough 1

Back in full force... :) Hello people... I've been kind of self obsessed for the last couple of months, guess that is the way of the mind telling you that there is more to LIFE than just floating!! 


Wow... in the last 2 days I have been on a role... so many thoughts coming together... so many unknown patterns have surfaced with the want to simply be freed of the past... that the purpose of life like I visioned it... can take flight.


What did it take... well... one simple decision... Lifeward Bound.


In Pune the other week, I heard Wendy sing... fantastic voice this little girl has, vibrant and innocent, she is ready to take on the world, take a chance, spread her wings... LIVE. Fascinating, the little voice of my heart spoke to me as I listened to her sing and watched her perform with pure joy. Here is what it said... "This is what you always wanted to do, right... sing... You've always loved the stage and the limelight... do you know what blocked you?".... a long pause later.... I saw the sentence clearly its almost like the word by word it animated from my mouth, I had said it so many times, that it became a belief... and you know what I manifested it... by sheer repetition... "I cannot sing commercial, I am only at my best when I sing in Church". I can remember the time when I first uttered this sentence... and I can remember the million times afterward, when I reinforced it. 


The truth that I have manifested... well... "I sing phenomenally in Church". Did my little child find opportunities to sing commercial... YES!! Many people I met over the last few years... not only remember the singing, they remeber the joy in my voice and expression when I sing...I even met people who could've given me the break I needed or given me the platform to sing again and yet all I could focus on was... "I cannot sing commercial, I am only at my best when I sing in Church". Francis, Neel, Siddhant, Merlin, Nandita Chandra, school friends who remember me for my singing in school, an ex student's mother who spoke to me about how her daughter felt inferior even though Matlida chose her to sing over me, Uncle Rudy called once while he was listening to American Idol only to tell me that I belonged there, Gayatri spoke to me after years and the first thing she told Lyn about me was about my phenomenal voice. 


I am changing that belief today... I am going to take every opportunity that comes my way to sing... Its one of my decisions for 2010... I believe with all my heart that I will be led to many opportunities this year... I'd intended to start on my birthday and I did... have sung at 3 karaoke bars since... wow... back to the mic... in 2010. 


This year 2010, I shall manifest many Karaoke nights, studio work, I shall find a way to not only promote my own talent, I will inspire more Dee's around my world to get back to their personal talent... :D


The Diva is ready to make her comeback!!!


Here's a thought for all of you to ponder on... Which are the dis-empowering sentences in your vocabulary that are keeping you from being the bright and brilliant person that you really really are??? 


Give it a thought... this could be your breakthrough moment!!!

Every thought drives to just one conclusion!!

Life is taking a whole new turn and what is interesting is the fact that I have attracted so many wonderful people to reinforce a decision I've been tossing around for the last 5 years now. 

From the very day that the thought popped from my soul I knew it was the purpose I must not only follow with all focus and give it every iota of my energy, it has in a way become my driving force. The conviction to live my life according to the standard I've set for myself. 

In postponing this decision for the last 5 years, I've chosen to let go of my deepest instincts and follow the herd... and rightly so, have manifested some not so exciting results, as per the benchmark set by other people, hmmm... interesting right!

wow... right now if you could just hear the clutter of voices in my head, wanting to be shared on this post, you'd be pleasantly surprised. Its a USP I haven't delved into much in the recent past. 

A conversation with a friend last evening had 2 very important shout points, Candle Meditation and Nurturing Psychic ability... both of which have been on my agenda for the last 6 years... block thoughts later... I realise it  is a message from my angels through another angel friend I know... often guiding me to things I must do... or potent I must recognise of my self.

Spooky that Swati told me that I will be coming back to Delhi in January and that day... I laughed it off... with a resounding... NO... not yet... this conversation happened 3 months ago... funny that I should be planning exactly that right now... What I want most is to be back in Delhi!! Manifesting my dream :D

Which brings me back to a surprise sms 2 weeks ago from my AOL teacher, on visiting the Ashram in Bangalore while Guruji is there, he says it is something we must set up soon... in a way its time for me to meet Sri Sri... well... I've intended it... and so it shall come to pass!

Well... if I start sharing more signs that I have been getting, well, you may want to kick me hard for not following through on it... I shall stop right here... The signs of the times are the times of decision and now that the decision is taken... must I wait.. NO... I just need to follow where my instinct most leads me.

In the book "awakening the giant within" by Tony Robbins. He talks of taking decisions more often, today I took a decision to blog this... tomorrow...I shall take a new decision again... and follow through... getting back into the habit of focused follow through... will set the standards for the manifesting Dee's destiny. Will end this post right here with a message from my angels... 

Every thought drives to just one conclusion... 

"Dee follow your deepest instincts, let go of all that you know to be true and explore life just the way you've always envisioned it... Free... to simply be. On the path you will find so many wonderful surprises only if you open yourself to accepting this phase... there will be blocks... none so significant that will paralyse you... just know that these are pauses, just pauses for you to stop for a bit... refuel and forge ahead."

Happily Manifesting!!!

C J M

all in a matter of 14 hrs.... I reached fashionably late as always... ha ha ha... no I am not proud of it... its the truth though.

Hugs n snacks and quechers ... Sonali Geetanjali Ruchita and Me.

Call a couple of friends ... Devika who didn't pick up the phone all afternoon... Uma who just couldn't make it to where we were... Radhika, our success story... she not only said yes... she reached Ruchita's place in 25 mins... How very very cool of her. Heena, who was in Italy when I finally did reach her. Sheetal, was in Noida. Niki did not pick up the phone. Rajeshwari ko bhi try kiya. Kavita Chawla toh didn't pick up the call only

Giggle'n'Gossip... we were now 5... lunch at 5... finally Devika picked up the phone... and we decided we had to meet... The mommy chicks rushed... while we spinsters decided to catch up with 2 more Mommy chicks that evening

Malcha Marg Chalo... Ruchita Sonali and I went to pick up Dev, got invited in for some yum chocolate cake... couldn't meet her two little hunks, mommy put them to sleep so she could go out with us.

Uma ke Ghar pe kiya prahaar... it was almost 2200hrs when we reached Uma's place... what a feeling... meeting the little star... Jiah!!! wow... 5 we were again!!!

Q Ba... was the final destination... we decided to go vegetarian for the final part of the evening... I guess Sonali was totally pooped... 3many for the day me thinks!!! Ruchita dropped me home... and I was still smiling... it was past midnight when she dropped me off... another 20 mins to get back to her home.

All I wanted really was for this day not to end.... I meet Sheetal on Sunday... just by chance at the Amar Colony market... hmmmm... I wanted to meet with her on this trip... and yes I was granted my wish!!

it all started at 2340hrs.... on the 31st of December 2009

I took a flight to get to Delhi to bring in New Years with Roopa... I landed in a really cold city... the welcome was sooooooooooooo warm that the chill did not have too much effect on the spirit!!

when I reached home at 2340hrs... Praveen came to fetch me from the airport... and you know what... I got to drive back home... lovely... this was perfect... life is perfect just this way...

I drove home... loving every moment of the freedom of having the steering wheel in my control... parked perfectly... and headed towards the gate to my home.

Like I was being longed for... I heard the familiar wooof woof... Tina... was happy to see me... :) So much so... that when I lay on the bed in my room later that night... she perched herself on my butt... how cute!!! Check the collage .... there's a picture of her doing just that... and well... me... loving it!!

Welcome to my world!!! Praveen, Roopa, Veer, Ashok, Alok, Jaggu, Mohit, Komal and Mannat... music.... chicken... chips... most importantly... HOME!!!
Roopa played the perfect hostess... masks and hooters ready for us to bring in 2010 together and loving it!!!

While we were revelling in Delhi... the other part of our family was enjoying some fantastic fireworks at Candoliem in Goa.... with more family... Vinod Phupha, Mimi Bua and Priya. On the other side of Delhi... Kuku brought in the New Year with Church and Bala... both so precious to her.

Phones rang... we all wished each other and in that moment life was complete... all I needed was frame this time... and hold on to it for the rest of my life.

0130hrs... Uma, Geetanjali, Ruchita, Sonali and I.... phone mania... we're meeting up on the 1st of January... after school... the excitement is huge... I didn't want the night to get over... and yet I couldn't wait for the afternoon of January 1st... hmmmm.

Reunited in a new bond!!!

November a month of closures and new beginnings... of true change and rejuvenation... close encounter with tears and fears and the jubilation of knowingness.

Life came full circle and smiled upon me this month... a long cherished dream of meeting Daddy came true on my surprise visit to Delhi on the 9th of November for the reunion dinner...

21st November to 26th November
What was even more wonderful is my father coming and spending a week in my home in Mumbai... with two even more precious people... Roopa and Veer. Nothing could've brought more joy than for all of us to have lived together and learnt much about our lives from each other.

What is fascinating is the how we three sisters just came a lot closer... we compacted a deal to always be with each other... earlier... an unspoken promise and now a bond sealed with the knowledge that no matter what, we'd always be there... loving, caring, simply being together.

The surprise package... Veer Andre Pathania... who came to Mumbai and got local about it!! Investigated my home... and settled down even before his mother could absorb being in Mumbai. His obsession with DoCoMo a real surprise... He simply took to all that is locally Mumbai... Pav, Bhajji and the newness of everything... He formed very important relationships here in Mumbai... Tiger Nanu, Lion Mama, Docomo Maasi and Evelyn maasi... it was wonderful to simply spend days just watching him at his brilliant best.

Daddy... well... adapted to my Indian toilet just as well as he could...love you Dad for making things so easy... loved our trips to ITC Grand Central for some coffee before potty...lol. I guess the most expensive potty on your trip to India.

Roopa... I cannot tell you how special it was to have you visit my home in Mumbai... more than that... you made my joy complete by absolutely loving it... can't tell you how much that meant to me. When you were here... I got to discover you all over again... the time we spent together in Mumbai is precious to me. Thank you for coming...

Pamoooo, you've been talking a lot of sense lately and both Roopa and I were quite fascinated with your point of view on a lot of things that seemed to bother us... One sentence from you and we were both speechless... You are so precious... so very precious... you have a heart of pure gold.

Ashok... you were on a time trial of 1000hrs to get to work for 2 whole days... loved punching the daylights out of you... took us all back to the wonderful days of being teenagers... really... only this time... we got the better of you... instead of getting tossed around like we used to :D

• Leopold Cafe and the buggy ride afterwards... 3 little girls with their Daddy
• Lucky Biryani got super lucky with lotsa food lovers in tow.
• Roopa and Prema at Juhu beach
• Ashokie and the 3 us in one of our... wrestle with Ashok and tickle him sessions... as Daddy looked on... he saw 3 little girls ONLY
• the "I am going to the tucky" video
• Cafe Coffee Day opposite Chowpatty picture perfect moments
• Daddy and Veer, special bond between Grandfather and grandson.
• Lion mama and Veer... if only you could see the video's running on the screen of my mind would you truly be able to enjoy the thrill of it!!
• Daddy and Veer at Chopatty... one shout later... Veer kept looking for Daddy to either carry him or hold his hand and walk
• Deepa Roopa and Prema together on a holiday
• Upma for breakfast
• Noorani Cafe ka khanaa for dinner
• Roopa cooked lunch for us one day
• Ali's Beef roast and pav... brilliant breakfast... we finished 2 kgs of beef roast in 3 days.
• Ali entertaining all of us with his jokes... it was wonderful to be able to introduce the family that adopted me in Mumbai to my family in Delhi
• feeling so lonely the moment I closed the door... when they left for the station on the 26th of November!!

The memories... will linger on far beyond the years we live... and if this blog is still up when we turn really old... I'd love for us to read this together and live these moments all over again.

Turning point... Destination Goa

When I boarded the bus on the 21st of December 2009, I didn't realise how much was going to change... all I knew is that I was headed for Goa to spend my birthday and Christmas with my family... I had a lot of mixed feelings and yet somewhere deep within... I knew I had to take the decision to get on the bus... I tottered around the house trying to fill my bag with things I may need... wondering if taking this break really did make sense... my mind was in two separate places... since I had decided... well... all I could do was follow through and see what it brings.

I boarded the bus... Paulo travels... just simply with one thought... Deepa take it one step at a time... don't be worried about anything or anyone else but you... ha ha ha ... for all of you who really really know me... you'd know how difficult it was!!

I sat on the bus... was pleasantly surprised with the person who sat next to me... so many thoughts on my mind... I needed to shut em off and begin this journey... the first divine intervention was a call from an old friend... till my battery started giving me a "low battery" signal... and I turned my attention to the lady who sat right next to me... something deep within prompted me to open a conversation with her... and wow... it was like an angel talking to me about me!!! I introduced myself to Helen... and strange but true I started discussing my life with her... it didn't seem strange at that time... it helped hugely... the noise in my head shut off with the noise that came out of my mouth. I guess we were both looking for someone to talk to... and we found each other... bless you Helen... for sharing... Thank you angels for the wonderful gift of Helen in my life that night. The chitter chatter of 4 loud mouths from North India kept me entertained in addition to the rather stimulating conversation I had with Helen... we bonded even more over a cigarette we smoked on the break of journey.At Mapusa... we exchanged numbers... and I headed to meet my family... who had spent the previous night in my home... and driven down to Goa the previous morning... Felt like a present really!!! 

Panjim 0930hrs... I got off the bus... with mixed feelings... excitement of being in Goa... guilt of not being in office... and  blessed to have travelled.

The next 6 days were a riot of fun... which included... sea, sand, long drives, food, karaoke, happy 33, midnight mass in Konkani, driving around the city and getting funny directions, bursting out into a giggle everytime we did ask for directions... 

Things I shall never forget!!

• Rondooz is in the back side ( while 5 women drove around Goa looking for Rendezvous for the Christmas dance
• Midnight mass in Konkani... at the most beautiful church I have seen
• The uncle after midnight mass... "You are from Delhi... Oh! Are there Christians in Delhi" Kuku wanted to sock him in the jaw... and can you believe this... with his false teeth and all... he was trying to hit on Mom
• Down the road... where I brought in a special 33rd birthday.... met Lucas after ages... wow he's turned old... ha ha ha ha... he is 10 years older than me....:D
• Go straight... become left
• Go straight... become 4 road
• everything in Goa seemed to only be one place really.... LEFT :D
• Beach Buddies... mom and Aunty Colleen
• Remove photos
• Nana I met at the Mongini's pastry shop
• Candolim experiece
• Ashvem beach and visiting Mark's home after 10 years, the last time I was here, Mark and I were headed to Potta.
• The stars of the trip Blossom and Colleen... who didn't cease to surprise us... everyday... especially with their keen eye for detail ;) Marcus at Down the road would've been embarrassed had he known what they were saying!! ha ha ha 
• Food!!!! Tongue Roast, Sorpotel, Pork Chops, Tesreos, crab, fried fish dal and rice, beef roast, fish curry
• The long walks on Miramar beach... I took just two in 6 days... both were special
• Kings beer and the 2litre bottle of Signature!!!

the most important of em all... our trips to just anywhere... giggling and laughing... I guess somewhere deep within... we all wished the trip wouldn't end... 

On the bus back to Mumbai... I knew something deep within me had changed... I had a new goal... and all I really wanted to do... well... is follow through... I just needed to take the decision to get on to the bus of CHANGE... and know that all is well planned... all is taken care of!!

Merry Christmas... Merry Me... Merry Merry all the way... TURNING POINT!!

July I shall love you always!!

July.... hmmm... special so special... so many memories that make me smile... I needed reinforcement and I got it.

18th July: 2 hours of conversation later.... Mohit, Komal and Mannat were on a flight to Mumbai... need I ask for more... :) It was such a treat... the first of my family to visit the home I'd set up... how very special don't you think... I am so very lucky to have such a wonderful set of friends, who, would do just about anything to see me smile. You know what... they also gifted me a microwave for my new home... :)

Before I knew it... there were two more really special people headed my way... Two people who mean soooooooooo much to me... Pamoooo and Shieanne... life felt so complete with them around.

Wow... my home was complete... and I could feel the happy vibrations in my soul.

I got my first tattoo after Kuku and Prema got theirs... felt alive... suddenly, I had the energy to take on the world... I felt complete knowing that I had them with me... nothing felt most perfect really. Dinner at Leopold Cafe and the buggy ride, our version of 26/11, shopping in Bandra, lunch at Global Fusion... trips to the beach... live was LIVE in cinemascope...

Them being around completed me... how beautiful... how cherished... how wonderful life felt. There is nothing more phenomenal that knowing how blessed you are... not by the things that you own or have... just by the people that bring so much energy into your being, it is a feeling of being complete in a complete way.

before I get on to other things... here's a special thank you to some of the wonderful people who made the journey till July so wonderful...

Charu, you introduced me to my home. Thank you for taking out time to help me find my home in Mumbai. I was distraught without it...
Ali, what can I say... Mumbai is special because of all the unconditional love I received from you and your family... Ayesha, Mariam, Surmai and Smallie.
Anand, you were the pillar that kept me in Mumbai... had it not been for you... I would've taken a flight on the 10th day and returned home... I am privileged to have had you around to settle my tears into a confident smile... even when all else seemed to be falling apart!
Godma, you gave me my home starter kit... the utensils, curtains, bedsheets, things for my kitchen... and more importantly you let me know that you are just a phone call away if I needed anything... food, a tight hug and a lot of warmth.
Ashok, for simply being my best friend in all the fears and constantly just being around. From coming shopping with me to setting up every part of my home with me... wow... what an experience... Ashok used to get completely mad at me for being an impulsive shopper... till he got the trick... to keep asking questions to get me off my impulses... a great support and a phenomenal friend. Ashok gifted me my fridge... aha... now that is sooooooooooooo sweet really... isn't it!
Hari, for picking me up and shopping with me... the Big Bazaar sale!! The bean bag... the curtains, the pillows, the bedsheets, the home starter kit from Croma... dumping it at home and driving me around to buy more... taking me out when I felt lonely and down... thank you so much for being my strength.
Manohar, my landlord, who had everything specially repainted and set up for me... who gave me my home without as much as bargaining... this was such a power packed decision... getting my gas set up and ready for me to simply live in this home... wow... he was my angel really.

On a personal from... this month was high on manifesting all that I needed... lots of unconditional love... unconditional manifesting of life like I wanted it to be...

Thank you... July.

Lifeward Bound

"Lifeward bound... for the rest of my days. I've kept the promise to bring a smile on your face even when it has meant tears to me. I've let you down a million times to let others feel free. I am so sorry that I couldn't see your love for me so strong... I am letting all else be... I am Lifeward Bound."


Most of us often take decisions on the basis of "I should"be doing this or that... or be here or there or have this or that. The truth is... I should lands us up in places we never thought we'd be... till there comes a time when we start exercising a whole new phenomenon... "If I wanted to I could"... in coming to this point, all that we've held true fades away and we find ourselves in the middle of the biggest decisions of our lives. 


Where to from here? 
If I wanted to, I could go back home.... take a break... focus on what I love most and head in that direction... YES!!! That is when the newest journey of my life begins... and it is empowering. I am the creator of my own reality, I have the power to change this reality and recreate my world just the way I have envisioned it and that is the greatest gift of all. 


In an instant I knew where I needed to be, where I would get nourished and strengthened and live this full life... I needed to go inward... to the Divine Intelligence within that sustains and creates the reality... I needed to go back to my first INSTINCT about this moment and follow it quite blindly, really.


The results are almost magical... I learnt an important lesson, I was trying to live my life from the vision of my boss... I tried to live my life from the vision my mother... I was trying to live my life on the basis of being able to deliver what each of these people expected of me. I was always looking for ways to please them... and what did I do... I chose to resist my own deeper instincts and trust their word for the truth... till my body decided to revolt... my body told me something isn't right... what did I do... fight back... my body took me places where I was free to think... I didn't get the message really... I continued to fall into line... till it dawned on me... so clearly one day and I knew I needed to take action immediately... I was a victim of my own pride... I FEARED FAILURE!!  I had conditioned myself to BELIEVE someone else's truth.


Who am I?
I am a child of grace with the soul purpose to radiate the loving energies of my inner child into the universe of people I meet. I need to share all this love I have freely and unconditionally to all those around me. I need to creatively energise my inner child... Her dreams her ambitions. I am not my job, I am not my number, I am not the things I've associated myself with... I am a smile that must spread around the world... I am dedicated to being COMPLETE in everyway. I am empowered to love more to live more... I am a student of Divine Intelligence that created me and sustains me.


The path suddenly became crystal clear... I needed to get back to myself... I needed to nurture my deepest instincts and live every moment of my life... guided by my deeper instinct and that has been my strength... I needn't  worry about anything else... all is well in my world if my inner world is well... That is when I took my decision... from the point of dedication, enthusiasm and empowered positivism... I knew this phase was a lesson. I chose to accept the lesson and take a decision to move on... a new life path... A decision that is Lifeward Bound.


When I took the decision to go Lifeward Bound, I knew it wasn't going to be the easiest thing to do and yet there is a certainty that I must! I need to nourish the inner child and let her be free to raise her vibrations enough to create a whole new world of energy that comes from confidence. The flip of this is the fear of letting go of thing I've been conditioned to believe matter. I can almost see clearly, the future, it is vibrant and confident all in waiting for me to claim it. One action and I shall be free. 


There is nothing more important that tuning into your divine wisdom, for the innermost part of you knows best what you must do and which direction you must head. Follow your instincts and freedom is yours, fear your decisions and that is what you get, more fear. 


I am sharing this with you so that you may know that if there is a moment like this in your life, when you know all that separates you from the rest of your life is just ONE action to seal your decision, simply take it!


In the quest to stay positively aligned to my highest good... I am Lifeward Bound