Romancing Destiny ;)

Well well… another girly post… now I guess, I am beginning to see a little different side to romance, than I have romanced all my life!! The power of romancing my dreams to reality so long, that romancing in any other format, is but a brief flight of fantasy. A short walk on the side line of a perfectly power manifested life .

My idea of Prince Charming, well, has kept changing shape and density, with each prospect I met. As I look back with Gratitude… I can understand how wonderful each of them are… each bringing me closer to understanding what I truly do want from a relationship… and I realise… the reason for my inability to hold on… hold strong and take any relationship to the AISLE conclusion has nothing to do with the individuals… my decisions were never about them to start off with…

Well, that calls for a round of applause… for each of you, who tolerated me… spoilt me rotten… gave my dreams priority, still loved me enough to let me be me and last but not the least… married your perfect soul mate… that I may never look back with regret! My today is so beautiful because of YOU!! Thank You!!

Much to the grievance of my kid sisters ranting over the years… that I needed to mellow down a little… as they put it… “Dee, you are so intimidating, you need to mellow down. No man will tolerate your tantrums beyond a point. You need to take care of yourself, lose weight and learn to be more woman like” Trust me… I did try… ha ha ah… with comical results… I suddenly became a damsel in distress… looking out for boyfriend dearest to come up with solutions… so he’d feel good about taking care of things for me… DISTRESS SIGNAL… all his solutions… well.. turned out to be “Ignore it Raja, you don’t have to worry about things that don’t have anything to do with you”… well, that meant… stopping being the natural “Free Consultant” to manifesting love and excitement in the many lives I work with… to disconnect with them… I felt disconnected with the ME, who loves… connecting with people and learning.

oops!! and may I add… this is how… we (my happy ex-boyfriend and I) began to get to know each other and like each other too… . When he found my profile on Orkut… the free advice… by the post… built his curiosity enough to send me a friend request

Some of us, are geared for life by understanding that the greatest source of our joy and happiness comes from within us… waiting to exhale and BE!! More often than not, therefore, we come across as

SELF ABSORBED (which we are), we’ve managed to learn a lot about ourselves first… our pluses, minuses, weaknesses, strengths, positives and negatives…

INTIMIDATING (which we seem to do quite unintentionally),

ARROGANT (maybe, but we’ve spent a quality part of our lives, depending on ourselves).

RIGID (we know what we want, it’s sad that you see it a bad thing),

JUDGEMENTAL (We may sound like that… we have learned to defend ourselves enough to take responsibility for our own actions and lethargy… we don’t blame you for it… do we? We’re pretty aware of our weaknesses, we’ve chosen to embrace them… and work on them pretty conveniently).

LONERS well yes… only on Valentine’s Day though… when the whole world is walking in two’s!! For the rest of the year… well… we have so many dreams working themselves into our reality… that more often, we NEED our own space to allow ourselves the pleasure of being absorbed in making them realities… trust me… with a vision in your mind… there is very little time to be lonely… so many thoughts keep racing through our minds… waiting to CONVERT into something more concrete!

FLIRTS… well WE ARE!! We flirt around with the idea of being in love… all the time. Often finding someone who doesn’t fit the bill… to confirm for ourselves the relevance of why they don’t (just being mean ) We FLIRT around with finding solutions to life’s problems… Just like, life flirt’s around with our single status to remind us of what LIFE WOULD LIKE US TO HAVE! We constantly flirt around with the status “COMMITTED” to test our threshold.

IMPATIENT we ARE!! We take a lot of impulsive decisions and watch them evolve!! We find it difficult to understand, why people take forever to take the next step… sometimes, we realise, they’re still looking for “LOOPHOLE” to fix before they take the BIG RISK!! That means they’re not confident of themselves… it rarely ever has anything to do with us! We don’t understand how people can hold on to a story long enough for it to be cancerous… life is too short to WAIT for the RIGHT MOMENT… NOW is the ONLY TIME you have… every decision we make is in the NOW, then why make us WAIT… Do you think we’ve got nothing better to do… than WAIT… for you to FIX the UNBROKEN, till you actually land up breaking it… to FIX IT!!

Ha ha ha… I could go on with this list… and love every word that it represents… YET today… the purpose is to lay to rest… the JEST and let you in to the secret of Prince Charming that I NOW hold in my vision… He is, somewhere, looking to find ME… then again… He is meant to RECEIVE the COMPLETE ME!! The PACKAGE DEAL of madness… dreams… and absolute confidence… that LIFE is COMPLETE as it IS!

I don’t know HOW… but I KNOW he’ll find me… and when he does… I’ll KNOW it!! For in all that I am… HE already IS… waiting to evolve again… with me… into WE!!

Happy Valentine’s Day to ALL OF YOU!! May you be complete in who you are before you BEGIN to EVOLVE again… with more love than your heart can imagine…YET!!

 

 

 

A Tribute to Whitney Houston

Dear Whitney,

Thank you… for being my first influence in music, thank you for giving me my first BIG SONG that has now become my life song.

Thank you Whitney for in your life and death, you’ve given me a priceless life lesson… to be my own woman!! To allow the beauty inside of me to lead me through each moment… I don’t think there’s ever been a time… when I haven’t sung… “Greatest Love of all” and not felt confident again… THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!

May the memory of your song… always remind me… to be my own person, even when the risk is high or the road is tough… to continue to never let, something outside of me… be it a person, substance or projection… lead my life for me. In your life, lies a deep lesson… for the one’s meant to receive it!! In your life lies the story of how life changes when that which is outside of us begins to control us and live on behalf of us.. In your memory shall always be the reminder that “I’ve found the greatest love of all inside of me”

I first met You through Your Song “Greatest Love of All”… standard VII… 1990!!!

I enrolled myself for the Western Vocal Group at school’s annual “Kaleidoscope”. I almost missed even being a part of it… that particular year… when I missed the auditions. By the time I did reach the audition venue… I was short of breath and 20 minutes too late!! The teacher who was taking the audition that day… Clementine Panicker… was asked to come back specially for me to audition I guess more so, because I missed the timings while at CHOIR PRACTICE for the BIG SCHOOL SERVICE the following day

Anyway, I did get through… and then began the look out for a big song!! I needed to redeem myself… the audition song, the voice and the singer were pretty average… according to Ms. Panicker and she said “what is so special about this girl that you’ve made me wait to audition her!!” I don’t know whether I smiled or I hurt… I just felt like I needed to surprise her… then again… how do you surprise someone… when you are of the same view of yourself.

I sang, because I loved to sing… I didn’t understand… Good or Bad or Brilliant about singing, was a soprano in the church choir (just another soprano)…. and suddenly here, I got DIVA treatment… teachers fighting to make sure I was a part (if I remember correctly, it was Mrs. Geraldine Osborne) who spoke to Ms. Panicker so I could audition, since my gang of girls told her that I had missed the audition while at Choir Practice I don’t think I had as much confidence in my own ability to sing… ha ha ha… the nun’s kept my swollen head in check… telling me quite regularly that it would get me nowhere… oops!! A lot of them are with Jesus now… wonder what they’d have to say about the music scene today

I don’t remember, who recommended “Greatest Love of All”, but whoever did… GOD BLESS THEM abundantly!! I was pitted in a different group from the school’s big voices and brilliant talents… Rosana Vetticad, Ruchita Tekevettil, Angela Menezes and Samantha Noronha… I was the “WHO THE HECK IS SHE” entrant!!

3 days of practicing with the tape recorder and no confidence… I allowed the song to sing itself to me… so many times… that it became a part of me… what moved me… was the rendition… each word had a meaning… and each meaning important… the feeling of the song. I guess, the words were sooooo powerful and made so much sense to my own confidence, like this song was the answer… to each of the moments that led to finally singing it!! More than me… falling in love with the song… the song fell in love with me!!

I won 1st Prize… so many hugs… so many compliments… this song was the beginning of a completely new chapter in my confidence… I didn’t have to work too hard to stay popular or stay singing!! I didn’t have to shy away from the BIG moments or challenges… because the GREATEST LOVE OF ALL WAS (literally) HAPPENING TO ME!! I FOUND THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL INSIDE OF ME!!  

… many years have passed since… and only the other day… As I listened to this song again… I realise it represents my journey in more ways than one…

 

Even in your death… Whitney… You’ve given me a lesson… My Gratitude to you for being a part of my life in song… indeed!!

May you rest in peace… in the presence of God!!

Love and Light

Dee

P.S.: To my readers

Just as I write this… I realise once again… that we don’t take out too much time in our everyday lives… to acknowledge the many people who INSPIRE us… to let them KNOW how special their lives are… to us and how they too can find a meaning through us!!!

Each acknowledgment we make… draws us and the other person to dig deeper into their own truth and live a fuller life!! Let’s not wait till they’re gone… to acknowledge how our lives have been made more meaningful by drawing references from them, that have moved us to a new thought, new experience in our own lives…

Gratitude to ALL THAT IS for ALL THAT IS!!

Restless… We Are!!

ALL CREATION is restless… waiting to return to source!! Then being restless should be a good feeling, feeling!! Then again… we’ve been taught differently about restlessness… yet… the most important part of who we really are CREATORS restlessly manifesting  our un-ob-served thoughts… serving an un-ob-served purpose… living un-ob-served… serving an un-ob-served master. Un-Ob-Served… the force that works silently, un-assuming, un-challenged, universe’s- objective-served

Restlessness, well, all I can explain of this feeling, is the inability to find rest in ONE thought or ONE action…

Like a celebrity at your own press conference… you want to answer every question the journalist asks… yet you’re looking for the familiar face of KNOWING what the question is going to be . There is so much you would like to say… so, you’re hoping that the questions they ask you… will in someway, match the thoughts you’d like to share straight back with them!!

Restless is KNOWING there is more to life than meets the eye… and there’s lots more to come!! Restless, you are the fine line between believing and knowing… the pause… the definitive “YES”… anticipating a miracle… letting me know I have the choice of VIEW with you!! Silent… reminder… that I am.

Restless, makes a brilliant KNOWING AGENT… it is when you’re RESTLESS… that you’re crossing over from WHAT YOU KNOW to WHY YOU KNOW IT This evening, I was RESTLESS … I chose to ask Gratitude… what be the JOY of this MOMENT? Deep breathed in the moment… acknowledged that the beauty of RESTLESSness is a GIFT too… that draws me to ASKING of Gratitude… that I may receive with K.A.A.M… AWARENESS… that even an emotion just IS… pure in it’s vibration… unlimited… unobserved till you call for it to reveal itself with Gratitude and Love… that life may EXPAND!!

Restless… my Gratitude for the teacher you are… that I may REST-LESS in that which the eye perceives and go with what my heart KNOWS!!

Restless… waiting that I may REmember to RE-MEMBER that I serve an Unobserved purpose waiting RESTLESS that it may be REVEALED to me and THROUGH me!! Restless you are my guidance, my best thought forward for through you… You inspire me!!

In Gratitude for the RESTLESS spirit that brings me freedom to ABSORB and RADIATE a new “REST, LESSon”  

Things I learnt on my way to “today”

I haven’t been too politically correct for most of my life… I’ve just managed to stay ME… and too can be pretty dangerous  

Last year, I allowed my self the pleasure of “staying out of other people’s business” ha ha ha… choosing to disconnect with a lot of energies, I realised, were pure wasting mine and I discovered!!

There are more people in the world, who want to know what you’re doing, so they can tell you they’re doing better or where you’re going wrong. I learned to be happy for them and smile a mysterious smile… it truly does piss them off, when you don’t counter their claim with sharing your tale of brags for their gossiping pleasure or better still… brag on their behalf too… not too many people can accept compliments without immediately returning the favour

I learnt that you didn’t really need a car to travel in Delhi… till it’s late at night and it’s cold outside… then again… wouldn’t it be so much more fun, to snuggle in with a great book and fall in love with writing again… when we’re old and wrinkled, these blogs will live on… to remind us of being YOUNG The time we spend on our blogs today… are the memories we’ll keep alive… for us to grow old with. Or better still… let the special SOMEONES in your life, create memories with you… that you’ll have something to smile about when life get’s TOUGH on you.

I realised, that everyone will change, including YOU!! And the moment YOU change, the way you see everyone changes… and the way they see you changes too! As long as you don’t levitate staying grounded gives you the right calculation of your height off the ground and the space you need to be YOU @ the fullest potential.

I realised that minding someone else’s business… or relationships… or moods … or needs… takes away precious time from minding the business of BEING YOU!! by the way… when you pull away from their business… they tell you you’re selfish… not realising, it’s their selfishness talking LOUDER THAN THEIR ACCUSATIONS!!

I learnt a valuable lesson, passing on the BUCK isn’t a healthy habit, it often causes you to FIND MORE FAULTS than solutions… never mind, if the risk of failure is yours… so is the grand success. Then why worry about the freaking BUCK… taking it head on… gives you a nose up in winning the CLASSIC all talk and no run… race of the survival of the fittest!

And basically… staying out of other people’s business gives you a better chance of learning more about how to make your own business… a success  

When you stick out of other peoples business… the best weapon is SILENCE in thought and word… more often than not… in the chinese whispers that follow… you’re bound to hear things that you wanted them to KNOW yet, didn’t have to say the words that would build their defense enough to offend you. It is also true… that silence is a WEAPON… that most people are AFRAID of

Remembering that you managed to stay out of other people’s business… for ONE WHOLE YEAR… PRICELESS!! Now, you can talk sense… without offending… since all they REALLY REALLY would want to KNOW is your SIDE OF THE retreat  

then again… family will always be your business and whether or not… you keep your silence… the freaking LAW says they know you BEST… so stay UNPREDICTABLE even to them… Speak only that which they want to hear from you… and do just that which you know to be RIGHT for you. IF you FAIL they’re going to love you anyway… and if you SUCCEED, they’re going to tell you, how important their part in your success is  

Relationships only grow when they’re given space… LIVE and LET LOVE… Don’t tell someone how to love you… till they ask you Allow yourself the pleasure of being loved in many ways… coz the love you ALLOW is an experience. The love you EXPECT is a disappointment… only because you may sometimes over estimate what one person is can give without even telling them what it is that you most WANT from them. And by the way… you may also have an issue, a conflict as to how much to GIVE to the relationship yourself!!

I also learnt… that spending quality time with a child can be therapeutic… they teach you to go easy on yourself and that you actually need to get three things straight in life… to get everything you’ve ever wanted…. Cry enough (without saying a word) you’ll find more people to tend to your needs that you even asked for Smile and Laugh a lot, it keeps everyone around you happy enough… to give you all you’ll ever ask for… I don’t know of one person who doesn’t like to spoil a HAPPY CHILD with their attention, time and anything else it may take to keep the child smiling and last but not the least… SLEEP a lot… it helps in keeping you in a state of rest

Your dreams come from you… focus on them… dream them into your reality… and you’ll realise… the most profitable business of all is the Business of BEing you… for you are UNIQUE in your OFFERING of YOU!!

 

The SIGNALS of our TIME :)

There are times in our lives, when too many emotions decide to co-exist and demand our attention!! It all begins with the ASSUMPTION that we’ve crossed over from being the subject of our own JUDGMENT!

It’s been a pretty exciting phase, at 35 I have come to meet the person I’ve always imagined I wanted to be and the fascinating fact, that I am the manifested truth of my imagination.

For most of the time leading up to the NOW of who I am, I was so busy, taking impulsive instinct led decisions in real time, that I missed out the amazing ways in which life was happening, co-inspiring to complete the “BIG PICTURE” me that is only just begun to be revealed.

Two years ago, I took a big leap in faith, with the KNOWING that LIFE IS SPECIAL… and all I was meant to do, is to CLAIM it!

Here are some of the ASSUMPTIONS that are common to most of us… that often become the reason for stillness by human conditions…. yet STILLNESS in the vibration of Gratitude… draws us to a new understanding of the path life is taking. For in Gratitude we RECOGNISE the signs… the signal  

Red says STOP and it’s OK to stop and wait… with Gratitude. This is the toughest moment ever… since, more often than not… getting caught at a red light is feeling that we haven’t driven fast enough… the car in front of us slowed us down… enough only to have crossed over before us. We feel hard pushed for time. We reach for our cellphones to distract us… or answer calls that have been distracting us!! We’re bogged down by the seconds left till we can move again… so much stress… SURVIVAL OF THE FASTEST suddenly rears it’s ugly head… long enough to make us so restless!!

Amber says… GET READY… HOLD STILL AND ABSORB THE EMOTION OF THIS MOMENT … and it’s OK to feel a surge of emotion of wanting to be the first off the block!! Yes… it’s OK to have all kinds of emotions… it’s OK to switch off the cellphone long enough to enjoy the ride of your life.

Green says… GO… You’re DESTINY is waiting for you… arms open and ready to be LIVED!!

It is the AMBER moments in our lives that are the ONES that MAKE US who we are… Amber is the PAUSE we all seek and yet fail to recognise… The next time… you’re at a SINGNAL know… that there is more to YOU than anything that you can SEE!! There’s a GREATER purpose waiting to be revealed … waiting for you to STOP long enough to read the signs of LIFE… it maybe the ONLY time you have to yourself in a busy day… MAKE IT MEANINGFUL!!

 

 

I love being your PRINCESS!!

After a long while… a kinda girly post, so, don’t read too much into it… it just comes from being a brat of sorts to a very special someone. Ha ha ha… don’t get inquisitive… some secrets give more pleasure as secrets… and still.. can’t help but share it with the world in posts. Keeps the anonymity and still brims with excitement All of us have these moments… it’s a common human phase… lucky me… that I had to wait till 35 to feel like 16 again  

“PRINCESS” a magic word… it is especially when the person addressing me is someone who meant nothing till ONE FINE DAY… when a short conversation changed the very course life was taking… for the simple request to acknowledge… became an teenage experience of a giggly grin that would throw caution to the wind to experience… the wild imaginings of being 16 again… without the frills of flowers or chocolates or blind dates, yet something so wonderful, that even in thought… it can make you smile in awe… just remembering, what falling in love for the first time… should feel like.

The freedom of having nothing to lose and still feeling like the whole world just stopped by to smile back at you with a memory so wonderful… that you begin to feel a sense of belonging to royalty without a title.

Being loved suddenly has a whole new meaning, without possessing… You know you belong in thought… to a memory so beautifully presented in words, like finding a hidden object… that even though it may have crossed your visual dimensions a million times over… never caught your hearts attention till it was expressed in words… so carefully put together… with a prayer that it may be acknowledged and accepted and reciprocated.

How long can you hold your shield of ignorance… knowing that maybe, it was this KNOWING that was meant to reach you… that you may learn to ACCEPT with GRACE, the love offered, the courage of a person who could no longer hold back and said it like it was felt… fighting this feeling… can only bring on a sense of losing out on what the view this vantage point of your kingdom has to offer.

As, time passes, acknowledging and accepting how special it makes me feel that there is someone in the world, who waited, till he had nothing to fear but his “fear of rejection” to let me know, that immaterial of the consequences… chose to share this truth… I guess… that day he deep breathed as he shared a long kept THOUGHT and created a brand new space of experiences… that only his PRINCESS can understand and only he knows how it feels.

Hey There…

Thank you… for I may never be able to express in words more clear… how special you’ve come to mean to me… How much I learned about what I have missed… through you… and how many experiences are in the waiting to be revealed… thank you for inviting my attention to my PrincessNess…

Unconditional Royal…

Princess