26th August 2005
When Michael, my boss okayed my going to Chennai for a meeting I was ecstatic.... don't kill me boss... for me it was life coming full circle... Chennai is where I lived with my family ... memories of which haunted my mind since the age of 5.... 23 years later I was going to return to the one place I knew as home... A place I left for a holiday to Delhi and never returned. A place that I knew would complete my smile.... a place called home... where, a happy family lived ... a place I still dream of when I'm lonely.
I finished my meeting at 2:30 in the afternoon and had but a one point agenda thereafter... to visit the places I've not been able to forget for 23 years.... places that are only a part of my memory... for all our pictures were rather unceremoniously thrown from the 3rd floor apartment we lived in....... I still remember the rockets that Aunty Eve bought me that year for Diwali.... 3 of which were left back... with the promise that I would return from my holiday and fire them.... My Book of Fairy tales... which I was asked not to carry with the fear that I may lose it..... but lil did I know that I would never see it again.... I did not even say Bye bye to my friends.... Maya & Madhu, with whom I spent most of my time after school. Mrs. Menon, my class teacher too... and yes the sand pit and the slides in school which were sooooo dear to me....
Anyway, I connected with a friend of mine in Chennai, Solomon, asked him to be my designated driver... and the journey began.....
MY FIRST HALT
Sathyanarayana Apartments.... where we lived on the third floor, a home from where you got a perfect view of 'Amma's' house ( the stone mansion of Jayalalitha) Mum tells me, that as a child I used to be invited over to the mansion ;) I don't think it was important enough for me to remember... ha ha ha ha
The place seemed a lot smaller than I remembered.... guess coz I was sooooo much shorter then... but it felt like home.... :) and was just as I remembered it... of course before we got there we were stopped by security personnel just outside Amma's house... and I had to explain to them WHO I WAS... had half the mind of telling them to inform Amma that I was in the vicinity... but TOOOO BIG to sit on her lap anymore ;)
The water tank ..... where we used to sit on our custom poufs.... i.e. Roopa & I... was still just the same.... (You can check out the pictures of Chennai in the album on my page)
HALT 2
Marina Beach Mom told me we used to spend a lot of time here.... playing in the sand and enjoying the water..... so I stopped by.... to say SalaamNamaste..... It felt like there was a part of me that felt totally welcome there.... but there was another part that simply felt like a stranger..... It was yesterday welcoming me with open arms... and today asking WHO ARE YOU? I wonder what life would've been like had I grown up by the sea....? The pain, returned... as a tribute to the memories that were stolen from me..... as a reminder of a life that was snatched away..... A memory that was longing to return from the secret place of my mind.... aching to bring every person who stole it away from me to books.... struggling to update itself to the present.... but snuggly enjoying the past......
HALT 3......
Shishya This part of the journey actually gave way to the uncried tears and the unresolved and unaccounted for past that I so wanted to make my peace with..... the only real memories I had of school.... was the fact that there were a couple of slides.. which I loved to play on..... there was a sandpit just outside my class.... and if you can manage to visualise the place with my eyes you will also see my classroom and my teacher Mrs. Menon. As I walked in.... there was a strange excitement building in my stomach.... it was like life was coming full circle.... and yes I was excited....:)
Since, I do not remember even one word of Tamil.... I had to use a mix of Hindi/English/Sign language to get the watchman to understand that I used to be in this school 23 years back... and was just wanting to see my class.... :) he seemed to understand and took me to meet Mr. Prabhakaran.... :) Luckily... Mr. Prabhakaran spoke English.... uff...was I relieved.... here is when my journey really was complete.....:)
When I told Mr. Prabhakaran that I used to be in this school 23 years back and today I had come to Chennai and so wanted to visit my first school..... He stopped me and asked my name.... when I said Deepanjali.... he said..... "Don't you remember me?" I looked sheepishly at him and said "I am sorry sir.... I only remember my classroom, the slides, the sandpit and Mrs. Menon”. "don't you remember Mrs. Cherian? You were her favourite student" all could do was smile.....:) what followed was a walk around the campus.... stories about my time in school, an introduction to what all had changed in 23 years... my famous performance on stage and the fact that I was a child who everybody remembered and missed tooo since they did not get a chance to say bye.... everything was so abrupt and one day they saw me no more..... he so wanted me to stay back and meet the NOW principal of the school. We also discussed Madhu & Maya for a bit ... the school had changed drastically from my memories of it... I even called Mum, to get her to say "hello" to Mr. Prabhakaran and they got into their own conversations about other parents... Mrs. Badami et al. He then invited me to his home on the campus and excitedly introduced me to his family.
It was astonishing and humbling... the very fact that someone still remembered me, by name.... I was only 4 years old then.... It brought a tear to my eyes.... he then walked me to my waiting car... we exchanged numbers and a promise to keep in touch.... He has also promised to get me some pictures of mine that will be in their archives.... :)
As I sat in the car and headed towards the airport to catch my flight back to Delhi.... I knew, that I had made my peace with my past.... in a miniscule way.... by re visiting and paying respect to the memories of Deepa ( 1976- 1981). 14th November 1981 took away so much from me..... which 26th August 2005 took me back to.... to complete the unfinished.
Life : takes you back.... before it leads you forward....
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